Are you a Selfie Addict?

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One of the most common things that teens and young adults are into these days is taking selfies. It’s is kinda fun! All that’s needed is a click, and your picture is up in social media for everyone to see, like, and comment. While it's all fun taking selfies and recieving cool compliments over your looks, it's important to understand the difference between being a selfie-taker and being a selfie-addict. The later does it obsessively, and often spend hours taking photos that doesn’t show any defect or flaws in appearance.

Often ‘selfie addicts' are judged as victims of ‘Body dismorphic disorder’—a psychopathological condition wherein the afflicted individual is concerned with body image, shows excessive concern about his body, and  is preoccupied with a perceived defect of his/her physical appearance. But this is not always the case! I had a facebook friend, an impish girl of 19, who was a stereotypical selfie addict. She used to update her profile picture every now and then, and out of 150 pics that she had in her profile at that time, 145 were her selfies! First, I thought it’s just a girly thing and quite a common trend among girls of her age, but one day during a casual chat, my notion changed! I had told her, “You should have become a model…you really got that swag”. Hearing that, She was kinda flattered, and asked me if I’d like to see some of her personal photos. I too was tempted, and replied with a big “yesssss". Then she started sending her sexy, semi nude pics one by one— in shorts, low waist jeans, miniskirts that exposed her butts, and even in panties and thongs. I knew what was coming! I knew if I regularly reinforce her exhibitionistic behavior, one day she’ll start clicking her nude pics, and upload it all over internet, and get herself into trouble!

The girl didn’t seem to have any self-esteem issues(I can say out of my experience I have as a psychologist)—she was beautiful, poised and confident in her pics. So I inferred it cannot be body dysmorphia. I thinks it has got much to do with paraphilic exhibitionism—again a psychological condition, characterized by an unnatural sexual gratification achieved through exposing one’s private parts to strangers!

Selfie addicts are judged in different ways by different people. Some say it’s a sign of arrogance while others consider it to be a urge of exhibitionism(especially when the selfies are sexually explicit like in the case of that facebook girl). Selfies can also be a superficial display of a person’s existing self-esteem issues which springs out of the feeling that they’re not good enough. When the later is taken to the extremes, then only the victim can be said to be suffering from body dysmorphia.

It’s really difficult to determine whether a person taking a lot of selfies suffer from selfie addiction or not, and even if he does what’s the psychological reason lying behind it. If you’ve liked celebrity pages on facebook like that of Rihana, nicki minaj, sunny leone etc, you much be noticing how they post their brand new selfies every now and then. Are they selfie addicts? Strangely, No !They are normal selfie takers who does it for publicity of their brand. So whether you’re a normal selfie taker or an abnormal one comes down to the simple notion of judging psychological disorders: if your behavior is causing problems in your life or in the life of others, then that can be a cry for help; otherwise you’re perfectly normal no matter how much selfies you take!

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Are you a People Pleaser?

kevinmartineau.ca

I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is definitely trying to please everyone! While the tendency to have people’s approval for your actions is manifested as one of the basic human needs, as listed on ‘Maslow’s need pyramid’, there are cases when the fear of being rejected and disliked (facilitated by ‘basic anxieties’ of childhood) escalates to an alarming level. If that happens, you tend to suffer from a neurotic condition known as Approval Addiction! 

I come across many people whom I find to be a victim of Approval Addiction—the people pleasers, to be more straight. All they want in their life is to gets people’s admiration, everywhere. A typical people pleaser sacrifices his or her ‘self’ in the service of others doing anything feasible to make sure he or she is liked and appreciated by everyone. Updating beatific quotes on facebook every minute to portray virtuosity (and liking other’s statuses impulsively), spending money compulsively on friends to portray faithfulness, putting oneself in pain to show care for others, and judging others positively in front of them even though they’ve got an opposite feeling inside are some of the many things a people pleaser may do on a regular basis. The people-pleasing tendency in females can be specifically manifested in the form of behaviors like ‘faking orgasms’ during intercourse; pretending to be innocent while suffering sexual assaults;  spending hours in front of the mirror correcting make-up flaws; being too dependent on others for making basic decision of life; and staying awake all night talking crap to her boyfriend on phone even when she’s exhausted and wants to sleep!

Ever wondered what makes a person an obsessive people pleaser? According to the psychologist Karen Horneye(1937), the obsessive tendency of pleasing others develops a result of neglect that a child faces in its formative years. When a child is born, it feels helpless in a threatening world—a world that appears to be quite intimidating and hostile. Feeling quite weak and dependent, the child depends on its parents for safety and satisfaction. If the parents are able to foster an amiable and serene environment during that period, creating a feeling of security, the child is really very lucky. In the absence of such an environment, the child develops something called ‘Basic Anxiety’. 

The ‘basic anxiety is accompanied by a feeling of ‘Hostility’ towards parents as a reaction to resentment. Because the hostility cannot be directly expressed  to the parents, it gets repressed into the unconscious mind, which tend to increase the anxiety further. This sets path for neuroses that tend to show up in adulthood (neuroses like excessive compliance, social withdrawal, over-ascendance etc… ). Usually people-pleasers neurotically ‘move toward others’ relying heavily on excessive compliance. To seek security they make themselves indiscriminately amenable, and are inclined to do whatever they feel will get other's approval and affection.

While Being a people pleaser can provide a sense of temporary security, it slowly pushes the individual into a state where he or she feels depleted, exploited and unhappy. Approval addiction is detrimental to all-round development of an individual especially in the field of education and career, and can even become a cause of for his or her downfall, pushing  him or her into depression.

Now that you know being a people pleaser is detrimental, it’s time to create some awareness around you. If you feel you know peoples who suffers from such a neurotic condition, you should help them out of it by showing your support first of all(that’s exactly what they need) so as to develop a trust. When they develop a trust on you , you should encourage them to bring about some changes in life. You should tell them:

“Look at the mirror, see yourself, and believe on what you see. Nobody knows you better than you yourself do, So let nobody’s opinion dominate your actions and your decisions to change. All you should be concerned about is moving ahead in life believing on your ‘self’ and bestowing your love to others without expectation their likes and approvals.  If you stick to this simple mantra, at the end of the day you’ll feel that you’ve lived a happy life—a life that’s free of conventional wisdom and un-necessary conformity; a life that has been lived purposefully.” 

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So you want to lose Weight?

On the cover: Kishlay Singh/fitness and lifestyle blogger

Losing weight is not an easy task—It requires a lot of endeavor, dedication, precautions and willingness to stick to an intense work-out schedule. Choosing to reduce your body weight intentionally as a result of efforts to improve your health, and to bring about some positive changes in your physical appearance, can be a virtuous choice to make. The benefits can be countless: you’ll feel more energetic at work; you’ll look more attractive and get noticed; you’ll have an escalated self-esteem that will foster a sense of self-worth; and you’ll be able to keep yourself at bay from a plethora of diseases. (Being overweight puts you at the risk of various diseases like Type 2 Diabetes, coronary heart diseases, Dyslipedemia, high Blood pressure, hypertension, sleep apnea, osteoarthritis, and even cancers of various types)

People’s obsession with losing weight has become intense in recent days, and the fitness market is booming with all sorts of fat-busters. From weird exercise machines, weight loss pills and sauna belts to e-books and CDs, the  weight loss merchandises have crammed all  mainstream advertising mediums—27X7 teleshopping channels , websites and blogs, newspapers and magazines, and even the banners on highways and streets. The sad thing is that though people buy all such products with great hopes, most of them are unable to observe any changes in terms of weight loss. All that lose weight are their wallets. I have seen peoples who exercise all day long , an use all kinds of magic machines and pills, but are unable to lose even a single pound. Reason? Lack of Discipline and motivation! Just think about a situation where you run like a horse but eat like a Buffalo, i.e, the number of calories you expend equals the number of calorie you ingest. Would you be able to loose a bit of your weight? Never !

The principle behind weight loss is simple: expend more energy  than you absorb. Scientist call this phenomena ‘negative thermodynamic reflux’—a state when the body uses stored energy reserves from fat or muscles to effect weight loss. To reach this state it’s important to curb the amount of your food intake and increase your physical activity level.

By making subtle changes in your lifestyle, you can provoke enormous changes in your body. Walking or cycling your way to the office, school, or grocery; participating in sports and other social activities that involves ‘calorie loss’(for example marathons, campaigning, volunteering etc…), drinking at least 12 glasses of water daily, and increasing the intake of citrus fruits like lemon and orange and pineapple can produce astounding results in a long run. As far as diet is concerned, it’s good to go with Low-calorie regimen diets that offers nutrients in a balanced proportion. Such diets are proven to show negligible harmful effects, and are usually recommended by most weight-loss experts and nutritionists. In addition to restricting calorie intake, such diets also regulate macronutrient consumption. From the total number of allotted daily calories, it is recommended that 55% should come from carbohydrates, 15% from proteins, and 30% from fats with no more than 10% of total fat coming from saturated forms—Wikipedia.  (There has been a recent trend of implementing a crash diet course for weight loss—a course that involves a wanton dietary restraint for more than 12 waking hours. The desired result is to have the body burn fat for energy with the goal of losing a significant amount of weight in a short time. But to be very honest, crash dieting can be very dangerous to health and should never be incorporated!)

Another important factor in weight loss is ‘Sex”. (Yes, I said Sex!) It can the best form of weight loss exercise you’ll ever come to know about , provided you are a bit creative with your partner, and can really manage to last a bit longer in bed( say for about 10 minutes while being in a non-stop action…can you?). It has been found that having sex for ten minutes gives you the same benefits as jogging for 30 minutes in terms of weight loss. (Ladies, Just imagine how much fat you can lose if you engage in 20 minutes of ‘sexersise’ at least four times a week) To make your endeavor more effective it’s really a plus point to try out some of the special positions—the ones that especially focus on your tummy, butts and thighs, because that’s where the real fat gets stored.

We talked about how different aspects like improving lifestyle, maintaining disciple and motivation, taking balance diet, and having sex can help you loose weight. I should have stopped here, but the ‘bug of psychology’ within me is provoking me to unveil another secret of weight loss with you, a psychological one; it’s called ‘the power of placebo’! This is no joke. ‘Placebo effect can really help you lose weight if you learn to exploit it to your advantage. One way of doing this is to just believe that in the coming three weeks you’ll be able to lose desired weight by doing exercises and eating proper diet. And trust me, like  magic you’ll belief will be manifested into reality! It’s because what you believe is what you become!

Have a good time losing weight. Take care.

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