The Paradox of Luxury!

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“How good it would be if I were a pornstar”, my friend told me, “They get to fu#ck everyday; everyday a different girl—in exotic positions, stunning locations; damn lucky guys!”  For a moment I started imagining: yeah…how good!

When it comes to living a pleasurable life, different people may have different predilections. To some, pleasure may connote living in a glamorous bungalow overlooking a sea;  to others, riding a red Ferrari, or having sex with the most beautiful person in the world! 

Last weekend, while travelling by a train, I bought the latest lifestyle magazine from the platform stall. On the cover page, I saw a glamorous picture of a couple relaxing on the pristine beach, having their shots of tequila, bathing their bare skin under tropical sun, having a great time together. I thought how lucky they are! I wished I too could have all that fun—lounging naked by the beach with my super-model type girlfriend, having my shot of tequila! But Alas! Forget about girlfriend, my city does’t have a beach even!

In  sheer disappointment, I turned the page only to fall across another tempting (and distressing) chapter the magazine had to offer. It was a feature on “how to have a perfect honeymoon in Switzerland”! And guess what, the tour package was priced at INR 5, 66,000! For a grad-school student like me, who has to think about cutting out on expenses to save money for internet plans, going to Switzerland for Honeymoon with a yet-to-become ‘wife’ looked like a fuzzy dream! I turned pages after pages, looking at the luxuries which life has to offer, to those whom I felt are lucky. The journey ended with a sense of anguish caused due to the realization that I was not living a luxurious life.

I am sure you too must have been through such experiences. Everybody does. Even the richest person on the earth feels inferior in some ways or the other; he too feels that he’s not living a luxurious life. Do you know why? Because living a luxurious life is a paradox in itself! Anything that we wish for and we don’t have is luxury. For a beggar who’s spends his night sleeping on the railway platform, having a small hut can be called luxury. For a poor man who lives in a small hut, having a small concrete apartment can be much of a luxury. For someone who lives in a small apartment, having a big bungalow with a large swimming pool in the facade is luxury. 

Let’s take the case of my friend who wishes to be a pornstar. For a moment lets imagine you’re a porn star and you do get to fu#ck everyday--in exotic locations, positions or whatever. You love the way it gets you physically and emotionally high every time you engage in lustful sex.  While it does give you a momentary spurt of pleasure, the effects are fleeting. Psychology says that once the intoxicating effects of sex are gone, the super-ego somehow manages to speak to the heart and mind of the individual and acknowledges them of their loneliness and emptiness, arousing the feeling of guilt and shame.  In that case the individual feels lost, empty, degraded and alone. Besides that, when you think about having sex like a pornstars, it's no longer a luxury, but a necessity to keep the vocation alive. As I said earlier, anything that you already have is no longer a luxury.

So the bottom line is: The grass may  look greener on the other side of the lake; but it’s just an illusion. While it’s not bad to dream big and work towards achieving it, it’s also important to understand the significance of living inthe moment, that too with all that you’re blessed with. 

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Live, Live in the Present !

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The importance of living in the moment is regularly emphasized by all self-improvement gurus. They say  living in the present is all about living like there's no tomorrow. Guess what, that does makes a lot of sense. After all, thinking about past only makes you regretful, and worrying about future makes you uncertain.

“Live in the present” is something you’ve had heard many times. A Google search of the phrase shows around 90, 40,00,000 results, pointing to the fact that a majority of people want to know how to live in the present, but they just can't do that.( If it were as simple as reading an article on internet, two or three would have been enough!) The reality is it’s very difficult to just start living in the present( like someone says you to do it, and you start doing it.) No, it doesn’t happen like that! You need to learn to live in the present. What teaches you best to do that? It's your experiences!

I had recently gotten a contact lens for my eyes which turned out to be a poor fitting one. After a day of use, it’s caused me a medical condition called “corneal abrasion” in the left eye where you have painful, watery eyes that cause a lot of discomfort, especially when you blink. After having prescribed ointments and eye drops by my ophthalmologist, I was relaxing on the bed with eyes closed. Suddenly, a great thought came to my mind, like a flash of lightning! I thought: We humans are seldom obliged about the things we have. Right now, my left eye is out of function, and all I want is to have it become normal again. All that will make me genuinely happy is a pair of normal eyes—something I never bothered about earlier!

 I got up right away, got my infected eye patched, plugged earphones into my ears, turned on the music, and sat down to write this post with one eye open. I was in a state of flow, enjoying every moment of it. It was such a great moment that hours passed away like minutes.  It was a self-actualizing experience! I realized, I was living happily with what I am blessed with right at that moment. I realized I was living in the present!

You got eyes to see the words, feel happy about it. Feel happy and thank full about the simple things you have in life. It’s the first step towards living in the present.

Your experiences will best teach you how to live in the present! First you need to believe that “you can really do this”, and start doing things which people usually do when they say they are living in the present—dancing like nobody’s watching, being optimistic about everything, focusing on whatever you’re doing, and being thankful for simple things you have in life. You’ll then have experiences that will lead to a positive surge of emotions. Now any behavior that leads to a positive flow of emotion is repeated again.( Psychologists call this phenomena “operand conditioning” where the upbeat emotions attached with such experiences act  as positive reinforcements causing you to engage into such experiences even more.) The more you engage in such behaviors, the more reinforcement you'll get. This will initiate a chain reaction, and the result will be a richer, fuller life! 

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Tanned, and lovin' it !

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One day I attended to a teenage girl on an online forum. She told me that wherever she goes—be it Canada, New York or Australia, tanned skin is perceived to be more sexy. She said that many of her girlfriends tan their bodies under the sun, and it kinda looks sexy on them. She too wants to tan, but her mum doesn’t allow it saying that it causes skin cancer. “Given a chance, I would sit all day long (bare-bodied) at the beach, and tan every single inch of my skin.” She says, “It’s looks so appealing! When I see those sexy sun-kissed women at beach flaunting their ‘Lebanese olive-skinned’ bodies, I feel so unfortunate that I’m not allowed to be like them. Even I’ve had my boyfriend say to me that why don’t I tan like most other girls. I know it turns him on.”

Today skin tanning has become a symbol for luxurious indulgence; quite contrary to an era where having a tanned skin was associated with being from a lower social background. In some cultures, skin tone has lot to do with social status. A person with a tan is supposed to be something like a farmer or a laborer who gets his exposed skin dark by working under the sun all day long. But as I said, in many western cultures, being tanned connotes to having a luxurious life. You can think about those rich peoples who go on tropical vacations-spending hours at the beach, playing volleyball, surfing or lounging under the sun. This has all got to do with the growing beach culture where having a sexy, sun-kissed skin is perceived to be attractive, and being pale is considered to be a result of staying indoors all the time, not enjoying life to the fullest.

Of course, the craze for white, porcelain skin is still alive. Even today, when you go to countries like India and china, and you’ll see women who go to any length to get their skin bleached to a pale hue. (This only makes me wonder how selective the standards of beauty can appear to be when viewed from a cross-cultural perspective!) Here in India, women use fairness creams to achieve that fair look which defines the beauty standards in the country. While creams like ‘fair and lovely’ has been serving Indian women since 1956, the recent bollywood trends has caused men to be vigilant of their skin color too. They too want whiter skin, and to cater to their needs cosmetic industry has brought products like “fair and handsome”!

There’s a whole lot of discussion among men and women about what type of women looks sexier—tanned or pale. 

When someone asks me whether I like girls with tanned or pale skin, I really get into a type of predicament. I pretend that I personally don’t care but I do get my predilections popping up. I know a lot of white skinned girls who turn me on with their pastel glow; but at the same time I also got a thing for those radiant sun-kissed beauties you see lying nude on the beach flaunting their exotic summer look! I think being tan can make you look exotic, and radioactive (if that sounds sexy), but its not a necessary thing I look for.  I think it all depends upon the kind of culture you’ve been living with. It’s more of a personal style thing.

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